As I See It

What is closure?

*disclaimer* This post isn’t funny- hardly witty and wont be jammed packed with cursing- I’m improving on me-if you’re not interested in personal growth of yourself/others this isn’t for you. As always… IT AINT FOR EVERYBODY

I personally have a problem with closure- I feel like I haven’t gotten it in the breakups where I needed it most. But really what is “closure”? Like the door is closed! What more do you need? For me Closure is more about forgiveness and contentment. Where a lot of us get life fucked up is we think we need to forgive the ex for all the wrong they did to us and we believe we can only find contentment in their arms.  What I realized is that I need to forgive me for quitting on the relationship and that I’ve gotta be comfortable with me- I’m a dope girlfriend but I’m even doper alone!

I believe I’ve been in love twice in life- two times where I felt I never received closure in a way I thought I needed. I have a great deal of anxiety associated with this lack of closure.  My anxiety isn’t a terrible case but it’s enough anxiety that it sometimes leaves me feeling unable to breathe with ease and with no actual desire to move. One night I was up with a terrible bout of anxiety- I was trying to work my way through it without taking my Lorazepam. I made a comment about what I was going through on Facebook when a friend of mine asked me what was going on. Once I told my friend what it was that I was going through her solution for me was “You need to forgive them” It was that moment when I realized I had forgiven these women ages ago but still harbored resentment towards myself.

The resentment I had gone on unrealized just growing and festering. I’d thought for years it was the women who owed me something- some sort of finale. I was super wrong- I was pissed because I felt that no matter what these girls did to me I could’ve tried to salvage the relationship but I rightfully tapped out. I quit because I knew with them at that time I’d reached my breaking point- doesn’t mean I stopped loving them. I had to forgive me for quitting on a love that wasn’t dead. Hopefully knowing this will allow me to no longer love them beyond our current labels. Life has no rewind button and it never will. I need to live today and come to terms with yesterday and look forward for tomorrow. Once I realized what I needed to do- I had moment in life when everything was good. Now that I wrote this- I feel incredibly better!

My feelings are best expressed in song (sorry there wasn’t an actual video)

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