Being a lover of ladyboys I can admit that I love a woman with an expressive shoe game. A nice grownup give is always appreciated…I like a nice monk buckle, or a wingtip but, my weakness is sneakers- I know I’m far too old for this but whatever. Strangely enough most females that are attracted to me are die hard sneakerheads. Even the bitches I’ve dated who aren’t sneakerheads before dealing with me by the time we call it quits they too love sneakers as a result of them tiring of me lusting over heat on the next bitche’s feet. I thought to myself: “What is it about YOU that keeps making sneaker-freaks attracted to you.?” Now, for those of you who are not one or have never dated a REAL sneakerhead (versus a hypebeast) often times these creatures are a piece of work! They will hunt down a shoe with all of their might, stand in line in harsh weather, get up at ass in the morning to order them, basically risk life and limb to cop the Red October Yeezys or the Olympic 7s or whatever the fuck has their pussy wet/dick hard at the time. So what is it about me? Warning: this might start to sound a little conceited…. I’ve found that to sneakerheads- bitches are nothing but another hot cop for them… we’re just Sneakers. I will go on to explain how different chicks are different types of sneaker come ups.
The Random Find- You might be at Ross randomly and find some ill airmax or at Plato’s Closet one day and find some High-top SB Dunks. To a sneakerhead this girl is rarely the Holy Grail of bitches but she’s good nonetheless, and will do for now.
The Pack Jordans that come with the wack pair- The Hommie got a bitch that looks good and has a single friend that like a 6 y’all get coupled up by default or you gotta have sex with her just to keep the hot chick around.
The Bred 11s– These shits are hot as fuck… but they are getting re-released almost every time you turn around! As far as bitches go… This is that one hot ass girl who lives in the club, MIGHT be a ho (everyone had/has her like the bread 11s) any way you put it nothing very exclusive about the shoe or the bitch just good to look at.
Concord 11s– the hypebeast’s dream! These are like the tuxedo of sneakers (sorta fancy- but still sneakers)… HELLA NIGGAS HAVE EM. These are like the SUPER FINE ass slut. Sure shes a ho, but shes YOUR HO
The OG 1s– classic, sturdy, sweet as fuck, often underrated by hypebeast but a true sneakerhead knows this here is the SHIT- Ok so this bitch is usually legendary on her dyke scene she’s usually over 26 still looks good, hardly ever pays to get in the club and is well connected (when you grow up popularity doesn’t matter-connections do)
The KDs– blahhh not much to say about this shoe- not much to say about its female equivalent either. Kinda hot… sorta overrated.
Solar Soft Moccasins– a chill little shoe, light weight and comfy, easy breezy. This girl is chill as fuck like one of the niggas- but fine. Probably a hippie or hipster.
Jordan 3 any ORIGINAL colorway– These don’t come out often enough (pissed I don’t have em) but they’re a fun little shoe that you can actually occasionally play Ball in and not fuck em up too badly. This shoe as a lady is a girl who is dope. She looks good, she’s fun, she’s sorta rare.
Yeezys (all of em)- overpriced, super rare, never a convenient cop- High maintenance girls who you had to work hard as fuck to get and will never be worth the struggle.
The Play shoe– these shoes are still dope but to sneakerheads they’re like “these old thang’s??” This is a good bitch she is loyal and everything but never taken seriously due to some flashier shit…
Barkleys/Ewings/Reebok Pumps/LA Lights– fun bulky shoes, blast from the past, you GOTTA look at em. These are your attention whores. Might be flashy with the makeup or hair color- usually in some thrift store get up. Your get em to say you did .FunGirls
Air Force 1s (all white)- era appropriate and then passe. Came hard when Nelly told us to do it then it was a wack nigga shoe now all of a sudden as long as they’re crisp its acceptable again- We will consider this shoe your make up to break up girl. That one EX you always fuck back with but it never lasts long
Wack Js in wack colorways- Im talking team Js etc why were these even made? Niggas who don’t know any better will cop em just for the names sake but they’re deplorable.- Bitches don’t NObody who is ANYbody want
Foamposites– Acquired taste, some niggas love em… I don’t get it. These girls get life undeservingly might have a pretty face but no hips, or suffer from adult acne.
The point of this post was…. To get a theory out there. The shit is true! Yes, I know this was a little Jordan biased but that’s what my exes leaned towards. I now know I was just something for them to have and do nothing with Just like their sneakers. Sneakerheads treat bitches like Pokemon cards…. GOTTA CATCH EM ALL. I would’ve added pictures of all these shoes…. but you can look em up, I mean they’re all pretty popular.
Till next time-
PS: This is for you Little Miss Better Late Than Never, Little Miss Asshole and Little Miss CrazyTown… slight Shout to Little Miss One Who Got Away
PSS: Thanks for the help Mal and Tae
My feelings are sorta expressed through: This song cracks me up
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