Hey Kittens this post will be all about my most recent Ex, Amina. For the first time I’m deciding to unveil a Little Miss. I have decided to do this, not because I’m broken hearted or bitter but because I’ve come to realize somethings about the situationship I’ve vested myself in for nearly an entire year. You know…I will actually write this in an open letter form… It’s fun- and it’s my blog I’ll frankly do what I want.
I’mma say here exactly what I should’ve said to you instead of childishly blocking you. December 29TH 2015 was the very first time I saw sparks when first meeting anyone. Your suggested first date of you picking me up from the airport was super sweet and your smile was warm. It was cute- and since that day WE were cute. So long as we were in the same state we were together, you were my D.A.B- My favorite girl. You read my entire blog and celebrated how raw I am on here… I didn’t even have to tell you about the bullshit Crazytown and Asshole did- you read it and remembered the song I expressed myself through. You knew the shit I’d brought myself through and knew I had no interest in going back there.
Miss Daddy- you and you Gemini self… you flip flop like a fish out of water, like a Vietnamese nail tech, like 2 for 5 at Old Navy. One day you’re ready to settle down the next you need space to be your truest freest self (which happens to be a woman juggling, hump then dump, super lover). What’s funniest about you and your truest self is I can accept who you naturally are more than who you pretended to be. For me, in a relationship “I love you” is a weight bearing phrase. When you told me you loved me (FIRST-mind you.) I asked if you were sure; you assured me that you were. “I love you” is more about the person you say it to than yourself sweet baby. “I love YOU” (about me) and “I love the WAY you make ME feel” (about you) are completely different; yet you constantly seem to confuse the two.
I’m not a forgiving person. Try as I might forgiveness is not in my nature. All the bullshit I caught you in I tried and tried to not bring up (honestly,truly) but I couldn’t stop myself from bringing up the transgressions because you couldn’t admit that it was foul. I just wanted you to say that if the shoe was on the other foot you woulda popped that one vein that bulges on the right side of your forehead. Remember when I was coming back from Miami and you suggested that we had a WHOLE baby?! My nigga- you realize I’d be big, pregnant, running a business and ALONE?! By the time I got unpacked from the trip you had completely decided that we needed to take (yet another) break. GIRL, this is real fucking life out here!
I’m not Jada- I will not love you till I can’t see straight. Nor am I Shay- I will not try to kill you on some crazy vehicular murder suicide shit. I know for my own health I can’t commit myself to someone who isn’t consistently ready. I should have saw this ages ago. I will send you a copy of my cookbook when it’s done so you can teach some new sexy dummy to be a culinary beast like me.
Thank you for being the best girlfriend you could be to me. I know I told you I’d give you one full year to get your shit together but… I can’t breh. That’s why you can’t get through to my phone. I love you still because my love isn’t fleeting. My love has a hella staying power- I’m just not interested in making a fool of myself- not even for you.
Ps: I recounted my lovers and you were the “magic number” so much for that….
I tried to drink it away- I tried to put one in the air