{"id":195,"date":"2014-02-06T15:29:38","date_gmt":"2014-02-06T18:29:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/littlemisslesbo.wordpress.com\/?p=195"},"modified":"2014-02-06T15:29:38","modified_gmt":"2014-02-06T18:29:38","slug":"what-is-closure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/littlemisslesbo.com\/?p=195","title":{"rendered":"What is closure?"},"content":{"rendered":"

*disclaimer* This post isn\u2019t funny- hardly witty and wont be jammed packed with cursing- I\u2019m improving on me-if you\u2019re not interested in personal growth of yourself\/others this isn\u2019t for you. As always\u2026 IT AINT FOR EVERYBODY<\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I personally have a problem with closure- I feel like I haven\u2019t gotten it in the breakups where I needed it most. But really what is \u201cclosure\u201d? Like the door is closed! What more do you need? For me Closure is more about forgiveness and contentment. Where a lot of us get life fucked up is we think we need to forgive the ex for all the wrong they did to us and we believe we can only find contentment in their arms.\u00a0 What I realized is that I need to forgive me for quitting on the relationship and that I\u2019ve gotta be comfortable with me- I\u2019m a dope girlfriend but I\u2019m even doper alone!<\/p>\n

I believe I\u2019ve been in love twice in life- two times where I felt I never received closure in a way I thought I needed. I have a great deal of anxiety associated with this lack of closure.\u00a0 My anxiety isn\u2019t a terrible case but it\u2019s enough anxiety that it sometimes leaves me feeling unable to breathe with ease and with no actual desire to move. One night I was up with a terrible bout of anxiety- I was trying to work my way through it without taking my Lorazepam. I made a comment about what I was going through on Facebook when a friend of mine asked me what was going on. Once I told my friend what it was that I was going through her solution for me was \u201cYou need to forgive them\u201d It was that moment when I realized I had forgiven these women ages ago but still harbored resentment towards myself.<\/p>\n

The resentment I had gone on unrealized just growing and festering. I\u2019d thought for years it was the women who owed me something- some sort of finale. I was super wrong- I was pissed because I felt that no matter what these girls did to me I could\u2019ve tried to salvage the relationship but I rightfully tapped out. I quit because I knew with them at that time I\u2019d reached my breaking point- doesn\u2019t mean I stopped loving them. I had to forgive me for quitting on a love that wasn\u2019t dead. Hopefully knowing this will allow me to no longer love them beyond our current labels. Life has no rewind button and it never will. I need to live today and come to terms with yesterday and look forward for tomorrow. Once I realized what I needed to do- I had moment in life when everything was good. Now that I wrote this- I feel incredibly better!<\/p>\n

My feelings are best expressed in song (sorry there wasn\u2019t an actual video)<\/p>\n