Tired of First Dates

I know I’ve said time and time again that I’m “done dating” and me being the lover of love that I am- I’m rapidly smitten by another woman. Here’s the thing I’m hella tired of awkward interactions and first dates. For the first time since my breakup with Little Miss Lesson Learned (crazytown) I think I’m PREPARED to love again. I know, I’ve had whole ass relationships since her and I mean absolutely NO SHADE however I left my ability to truly love with her. So in actuality Little Miss Asshole and Little Miss Daddy never received the same love. I was still healing. I got to talking recently and I realized that first dates are only exhausting for me I’m not doing it right. Am I tired of first dates? YES! Was I dating with the intent of crowning someone with my heart?! HELL NAH!
To make matters worse, I have a terrible habit of turning mediocre first date into a months long lack-luster booships. Whole time I’m wondering “what the fuck”. Not only “what the fuck” am I doing here? “What the fuck” do we have in common? “What the fuck” do I see in her? It’s like an ugly quagmire of WTF. I was speaking to someone I’m friendly with and I told her “Im tired of first dates” she said “how are you going to find ‘the one’ if you don’t keep trying. She is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen probably in years so she could’ve told me to try FruitLoops and try again and I would’ve been down. We went on to talk about dating in Atlanta and how dismal it can be. That led me to unpacking the fact that I gave up on using my heart to it’s fullest capacity.
Am I done dating? No! Am I giving my all to just any-ol-body? NAH! Am I going to be more selective?! YES!