Dating

2014 resolutions

Ok, I’m back- yes after yet another hiatus. I really needed to collect my thoughts and quite frankly get my love life together. Let me give y’all a quick catch up. I started back dating Little Miss Asshole, she moved in and everything. Things still just couldn’t work out; I don’t think either of us was fully committed to making things peaceful, so it was a constant warzone. She promptly moved out and into a living situation I’m just not a fan of (I’m sorry that I’m not sorry!) Enter Little Miss Baby Gap. She is just as pretty as she wants to be, body is amazing however mama is 5 years my junior. What she lacks in honesty, fidelity and maturity she makes up in gaped toothed smiles that just melt my heart.

So now that y’all are basically caught up let’s talk present day. I’m single like a dollar bill and it’s the top of the year; you know how MFs be on that “New year, new me bull”? I was sort of inspired by this faulty notion- “New year, new dating perspective”. Let’s be honest ya girl isn’t getting ANY younger… So I have no time to play with, coach or tutor these bitches. I know where my standards are, however, I only have two “rules” when it comes to dating  1. No puss on the first date 2. Don’t go “cannon balling” in to love- just stick your toe in. I for one have NO interest in being the same fool twice. With all that said I’ve decided to give myself 2014 dating resolutions.

2014 dating Resolutions

  1. Live right now, you can’t compare these new gals to ya old heads. You can’t expect them to love you whole heartedly like Little Miss One Who Got Away. Or have the “fuck with me you know I got itness” of Little Miss Crazytown
  2. Don’t make excuses for these females, and while you’re at it- don’t accept theirs
  3. No matter how horny you get she can’t get the puss until she has stimulated your mind and won your heart.
  4. Remember to close one door fully before you open another
  5. Don’t be bitter, but don’t forget what you’ve learned from bitter woman R&B classics such as Sunshine Anderson’s “Heard it All before” and Fantasia’s “Free Yourself”
  6. Does she support your dreams, does she have aspirations you can support?
  7. Remember these bitches show you who they are in week one don’t ignore that shit.
  8. Is she just a “fungirl” if yes, no big deal- just treat her as such
  9. Quit cooking for these chicks- your cooking is REMARKABLE not everyone deserves it!
  10. Remember in the words of O.C Allen III “at this point in my life I’m looking for faucets- not toilets”. Meaning I need someone who’s adding to my life not someone who just a receptacle for pee and poo
  11.  Is she your intellectual equal or higher? If nah- bye girl
  12. Despite my foul mouth I have a very strong relationship with my God. From here on out I gotta require that my mate has one too- if not do you want to work on your spirituality? I can’t have a spirituality void person in my life again. I go back and forth on if I only see myself with someone with the same religious affiliations as me.

I think that will do it; I mean God only needed 10 commandments who do I think I am to have 12 resolutions? Well I hope someone besides me will hold be accountable for this- I mean that’s kinda the purpose of this.

I will post again soon-
EVJ

My feelings are best expressed through song: Here I Go Again- White Snake
enjoy!

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