All the Feels

Hey kittens, I’m settling in ok… I mean I can walk again (I was out 50 days) I started a lil temp gig that seems like a good fit (the view from my desk is sick’nin af!) Ya girl Is eating healthy and losing weight, my skin is doing remarkably well, I’ve cut like 3.5 inches off my hair and even found a product line that works for all of my hair. For the first time in a long time I feel creative! Like my mind is so clear and free to think of different ways to better my life, my business, and my circumstance. For the first time in a while I’m missing the comfort of having a significant other. It’s not that I’m lonely per say , I more or less kinda want a a romantic partner that can make things a pinch more… like real? Question mark because I’m not totally sure I want a title. It’s like I’m damn near 34- I have a mean game of catch-up to play when it comes to getting on the good foot.

Although I am running late (in my mind) to having the things I want as far as creatively and business wise in addition to my dreams of having a wife and kid(s). I don’t believe its too late- I understand that God’s timing is perfect. I’m also aware that I’m not really feeling the dating scene here in the Bay Area. I can honestly admit I haven’t really tired dating here but the pickings are slim. I’ve met one woman and she’s great for what she is, fun girl who is non-monogomus who I can have a good time with. I want more out of a situation than just fun and sex though. I have entertained the idea of an out of town suitor but… distance. I feel like I may be asking for too much… but is that the problem? In the past I asked for too little and was excepting shit I  knew better than to allow.

to an extent I feel like I’m buffeting the whole romantic thing right now. Physicality here, sweetness here, talk of business here…  I just really want one package! I honestly don’t think thats too much to ask. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a player I’m single AF and I’m hardly playing the field- I just move how I want in this present time. Theres no one who should have any hurt feelings. I just know once I shake this weight and really start flourishing a whole bunch of “hey big head” and “I miss you” messages finna pop up and I AM NOT HERE FOR THAT BULLSHIT.
Maybe I’m over thinking this… I should probably chill. Am I having a existential crisis? Do I not know what I want? I’ve literally never felt this way… I’m somehow levelheaded, creative, and somewhere in the back of my mind I keep hearing Jay-Z “Only thing missing is a MRS”. Lemme finish getting me together-maybe I won’t even have time for theses feelings.