Getting Grown-THE YEAR OF BETTER (not so dirty 30)
I operate on the “year of EeJay” one that begins on April 1st (my birthday- save the jokes-please) and ends March 31st (my birthday eve). Now, don’t get me wrong… I still honor the year as its been laid out, but I see my date of birth as my new year- after all its keeping track of my years… right?! My (uggggghh) 30th birthday (I can’t believe it’s here already) is quickly approaching and of course I’ve got plenty of goals, resolutions and what not. So after chatting with My ex Little Miss Crazytown and she told me “damn, you really out here growin’ up!” I realized that the change in me is becoming evident to others and I want it to not only be undeniable, I’d also like it to be like a renovation. I didn’t take offense to her comment because growing up has NOTHING to do with age, it in my opinion has EVERYTHING to do with learning. I don’t expect 30 to be the year of perfection, however, I do expect it to be the year of better.
By better I mean:
Better interactions with the world: build and maintain meaningful relationships with people and not be such a loner but make sure I’m not out there wasting valuable time on fuck-shit
Love Better: let’s face it; I’ve been in and out of relationships most of my adult life. When infidelity wasn’t the reason for the relationship dying they failed because I wasn’t totally and utterly in love with myself. Now that I love THE FUCK outta me (flaws and all) I believe I’m better suited to love someone else.
Better Travel: I enjoy getting away as much as the next, however, I don’t as much as I deserve to. For whatever reason be it finances, organization, work, pets to name a few I just don’t get or take much time to let my hair down. In the “Year of Better” I will vacate from Atlanta,Ga at least four times to four different locations (needed to say that). I think that’s a fair amount especially seeing as though I have a cute “girl’s trip” with my Mom and Auntie to Honolulu in May. I also have a wedding in DC (heyyyy Kat) that I’m in in on Labor Day . I’m actually looking forward to all the festivities being that my last trip to the DMV Area was such a shit show, not to mention I will be celebrating two of my favorite girls tying the knot.
Look and Feel Better: Somewhere between the last couple of years I found time to gain a shit-ton of weight I’ve lost 15 pounds of it and have quite a journey to go. But with my trainer, gym, bike, and healthy eating – it will happen soon enough. Plus I gotta look good in Hawaii!- Don’t get it twisted I love myself now however I miss my “sexy body”!
Live better: with this I mean all around just be a more productive person. I’m scattered brained and anxious it shows in my living I hardly ever finish a project or put things back in their home (if I ever gave them a home) I have to find a way to conquer this I think it’s through developing the spirit of a finisher. I need to cut down on excuses and procrastination if I’m ever going to live up to my potential I mean it was okay (I guess) to be in my 20s putting shit off till later… but seriously I gotta get it and keep it together.
Cope Better: I’d love to be depression AND medication free for 30 but I understand that is a huge goal. I need to get ahead of my depression acknowledge when its starting and be proactive about it, take meds when needed and deal with my shit as it comes… IGNORING IT WONT MAKE IT BETTER.
Forgive Better: I can hold a grudge like no other and it’s more punishing to me than it is to the person I’m upset with. I’ve realized when I hold a grudge I’m holding on to the transgressors shit… AND THAT’S CRAZY! I refuse to allow someone to store their bullshit with me and I pay the fucking rent…. What kind of sense does that make?! So Little Miss Dream Seller although I think you’re low down as fuck… I forgive your ass, you musty bitch. Little Miss Better Late than never… shit wasn’t REALLY your fault, you handled it in a way that was right for YOU -I forgive you. Little Miss Crazytown- honestly- shit just got outta hand, FORGIVEN.I don’t know if y’all even care…Hell, I’m not sure I care that if y’all care or not. This forgiveness is for Me and my growth.
And MY LAST WRITTEN GOAL OF THE YEAR OF BETTER- PUBLISH A COOKBOOK!-I’m mean in the kitchen- I SHOULD DO THIS before my half birthday (OCTOBER 1st)
I’m not saying I will be done after all that’s achieved but I think I will be well on my way!
Till next time-
Feelings are best expressed through song- “Getting Grown” Cee-Lo Green (when he was still the SOUL MACHINE) Relatable quote
I never won’t be perfect I know
But workin on it is worse than I know
Life is just learning as you go